What do you do when you do not understand why someone says what they say or behaves in a certain way? Most likely you ‘fill in the blanks’ by creating a story you believe to be true to make sense of their behavior.
Allow me to share a story with you.
“I told you to do it, not to think about it” was a common statement made by my father to his three children. I was the youngest and daddy’s beloved only girl. My love and respect for him was oh, so deep. Born forty-two years prior to my birth in a time far removed, my father’s old world thinking and German heritage dominated his approach to raising his family.
He was a generous, warmhearted, highly educated and professional man who truly believed he knew best. Yet underlying his demeanor was the belief children should be seen and not heard. His words could cut me to the core and I never wished to suffer his disapproval.
In my youth I did not even think to question why I believed so deeply what I had to say held little import. I believed to my core everyone else knew better than I in all realms and in all matters. Identifying heartily with the Peanuts comic strip character Charlie Brown, I felt safest echoing the opinions of others. I swayed and bobbed; never really sure of my own opinions or my own validity.
What I did know was it was scary to come out of my safe ‘foxhole’ to discover and express the voice of my essence. I would eventually manage to figure out my wants by identifying what I did not want; a smart yet circuitous and time consuming solution.
Had I known then what I came to realize over the years – perhaps it would not have taken me so long to recognize and take a solid stand for my truth, and to let my creative spirit come out to play.
Not understanding why my father acted as he did, I simply ‘wrote’ a story to perpetuate the belief I had created to ‘fill in the blanks’. I successfully, yet compromisingly, stepped into the story that my voice did not matter. I supported that belief into adulthood, until I got tired or doing so. Now I have a different perspective on my father’s actions and have revised my story.
I have come to learn that beliefs are self-made and can be changed with concerted awareness and effort. If a belief does do not serve my best, I can choose to change it and ‘fill in the blank’ with a more suitable belief.
What beliefs ‘fill in the blanks’ for you? Do you have a story to share?
